I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize