i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
