I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
