Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
