when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
barbara walters just said penis...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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