every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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