I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
