I CAN MOONWALK!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
