Pants 0. Shit 1.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
