her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
