We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
