I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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