i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
