I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She bit a glass in half.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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