Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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