WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
