So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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