after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
