From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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