You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
