I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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