the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
