im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
