I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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