Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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