I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
