Operation Purity has been aborted
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
