I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
