this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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