don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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