Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My penis needs a shock collar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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