this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
