Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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