eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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