@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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