Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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