I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
