how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
