there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
