walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
