You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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