yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
