How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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