we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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