when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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