That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
