I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
