I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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