wat bout pragnant strippers??
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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