Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
