Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
