I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
