the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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