I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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