My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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