You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize