After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
