If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
