the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
