fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
COCAINE IS GR8
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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