There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
