how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
