Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
